Booze, Baseball, and another "B"

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Blame Canada

Yesterday would have been (some may say "should have been") the beginning of the NHL Playoffs. I don't think that I'm qualified to speculate on who would be in them, however I do know that there would be a bunch of teams in the playoffs, since the NHL playoff season seems as long as the regular season.

Instead, the season's gone; nobody in the USA has noticed, and Canadians are crying themselves to sleep. "Why did this have to happen" you ask? The explanation that "They" want you to believe is that the Players' Union did not want the owners to be able to enact a salary cap. However, people in-the-know know that's bogus. Public evidence of this is simply revealed when one looks at how suddenly the NHL Players' Association switched their position on the salary cap as the NHL was preparing to call off the season.

No, the real reason why there's no NHL season this year is because Canadians do not support the US Missile Defense initiative.

There may be skeptics out there who find this hard to believe. That's fine, there always are. The truth is, to find some way to exert pressure on the Canadians to accept and endorse missile defense, "They" had to cancel the NHL season. The rationale being: no Canadian can go without their hockey, so of course they'll give in and ok Missile Defense. It's not like the US can level sanctions against Canada, and diplomatic channels have been exhausted. So what to do? Hit them where it hurts: HOCKEY. The national past-time, something every Canadian loves.

Unfortunately for NHL fans, the Canadian government didn't give into the pressure, and they still do not support missile defense. No support for missile defense equals no NHL season equals no NHL playoffs.

Canadians believe that they should be present and involved in any decision to launch a missile that may go over Canadian airspace. They are also opposed to any weaponization of space. So this leaves the Canadian government in the position of opposing Missile Defense.

Who gets hurt in this? Everybody. The poor owners aren't raking in their TV money. The poor players aren't raking in their exorbitant salaries. The poor vendors can't sell belligerent hockey hooligans beer. The fans in New York can't boo the Rangers. The poor legions of hockey fans here in the US can't cheer on the Maple Leafs...wait....scratch that one. The poor Canadian TV channels have to fill air time with more news programs (why not more Simpsons episodes?). The poor people who are planning Missile Defense now have to take into account what to do since they can't any actions which could involve Canada. And the poor, innocent, Canadian citizens, who have no idea what a "missile defense" is but simply just want to watch some hockey, they all have to cry themselves to sleep each night, remembering the good old days when a Canadian could turn on their TV to find hockey on.

And in the end, we can all blame Canada.


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