Booze, Baseball, and another "B"

Monday, September 29, 2008


Well, it turned out I was right. I missed the day by one, but the House Republicans ended up following through on my prediction to give us the worst Dow Jones single day point loss in the history of... well, in the history of humanity.

CONGRATULATIONS, House Republicans! You've successfully stopped the Communist threat!

Wait, what? Communists weren't involved? You mean, it was a bipartisan piece of legislation, which had been massaged for over a week and had incorporated many of the demanded changes? And it still didn't pass? Huh.

House Republicans (and the Dems who joined them) are a bunch of ill-informed idiots.

Congratulations are in order for them, not for stemming the Communist tide, but for single-handedly stealing billions of dollars from their constituents. Can you imagine if you were a retired person, living off of your life savings, and the value of your savings dropped 10%, like my IRA did, in a single day? And that's a 10% drop following months of losses.

Congratulations certainly are in order.

I decided today that my new derogatory term for stupid people is "House Republican." When someone has no idea what they're talking about, or they can't do the task assigned to them, or perform the duties for which they were selected, they'll be labeled a "House Republican." I anticipate I'll be using this term often, but certainly not as often as I would be if I was living in DC.

The House announced that they will not be revisiting this legislation again until Thursday. I wonder what's going through the heads of the people involved in destroying America (read: the House Republicans)? I sincerely wonder if they realize that they alone caused the largest point drop in history? I wonder if they even know about it. Does Fox News cover things like that? I don't know. I do know that they do not understand the credit markets, and I do know that they don't understand what socialism and communism are. I know that much about House Republicans.

Tomorrow is going to be fascinating. How does an economy bounce back? How will the Republican spin-doctors lie about this bungled opportunity? After their President and Presidential Candidate ask them to vote for a piece of legislation, the House Republicans say "go fly a kite." Hilarious. The minority leader today even said that House Republicans were soured by a "partisan" speech during the vote!! HILARIOUS!!

I imagine the House Republicans ' thought process went something like this:
  • "I guess I'll vote for this. I haven't read it, and I don't understand it, but they want me to, so I guess I will. I just want to get home. All these latte-drinking yuppies in Washington get on my nerves. Them and their damn 'Hybrids.' And their lack of support for privatizing Social Security."
  • "Wait...what's that? The Dems are speaking negatively about our Commander in Chief?! Those bastards! I will not vote for this!"
  • Vote = "No."
  • "Ha! That'll teach 'em."
  • "I wonder if Kim Kardashian is going to make it on Dancing with the Stars tonight? Wait, is that even on tonight? Maybe I'll just watch reruns of Walker: Texas Ranger. I don't know, I just wish that people would finish voting so I could go home."
I can only guess at the thoughts of a House Republican, since I am nowhere near as poorly informed as they are.

Stay tuned. This is only the beginning.

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