Booze, Baseball, and another "B"

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


If you don't play Fantasy Football, the Culpeppocalypse might be something you just don't get. If you do play fantasy football, you probably know EXACTLY what I'm talking about when I mention the Culpeppocalypse.

Daunte Culpepper was one of the QBs for the Minnesota Vikings while Randy Moss was there. And they were one hell of a tandem. I drafted Daunte Culpepper in my first fantasy football draft, and him and I went on to dominate that league. Since then, I've had quite the soft spot for Daunte. In 2005 he blew his knee apart, along with my fantasy team. He's never been the same since, but he's continued to be a thorn in my side. I can't even say that he's my fantasy krytonite... it's much more than that. In my mind, a fantasy kryptonite player is someone who you keep convincing yourself is going to be good, but the guy always sucks (Lee Evans). With Culpepper, everybody thinks he's going to be good, and then he sucks.

Anyway, Bill Simmons, ESPN's Sports Guy, coined the term "Culpeppocalypse" in reference to Daunte tearing fantasy teams apart. His "Daunte's Inferno" article does an excellent job explaining the pain Culpepper owners go through.

So what's my point? I've been once again caught up in the Culpeppocalypse. Like a battered wife, I keep coming back for more. I know that he loves me, and if I just love him back, it'll be just like when we were young and in love and everything will be wonderful...

Yesterday, a day after Bernard Pollard tore my fantasy world asunder, I talked myself into believing that Daunte Culpepper was the right choice for the Pats to sign to replace Brady. I even went so far as to pick him up in my money league and stash him on my bench. I'm sure that the other owners in the league are sitting there going, "what the hell is that guy doing?" but I was sure that Daunte and me would return to fantasy glory. I knew that as Randy Moss would advocate for him, and Bellichick would say "brilliant" and sign Daunte right away, and then he'd come in and throw for 300 yards and 3 TDs most every week.

Today Coach Bellichick took a big dump on my plans. He's perfectly happy with the UPS delivery-person they're calling their backup quarterback. There's no Culpepper coming into NE and he's not going to be the knight in shining armor to save my fantasy team.

Instead, what I should have done was pick up Eddie Royal, who totally lit up the Raiders and looked really good doing it. He would have been a great replacement for my broken WR, Nate Burleson. But no, Culpepper strikes again. I missed out on the opportunity to get a good WR to replace the one who went down, and I have too low of a waiver priority to get him now.

To drown my sorrows, I've been watching the "Overprotected" video on YouTube. There's some sort of message there.

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